Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
