Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
