I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
