Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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