Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
