Your mouth is God's brothel.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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