even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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