remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
