i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
