Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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