Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
