I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
