At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
and eventually we just all took our pants off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
