I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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