An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize