wanna go halves on a baby?
Screwed.edu
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
