I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
