Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
