I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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