sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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