I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
