I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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