When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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