'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
