He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
