my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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