We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
