my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
