Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
