I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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