Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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