I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize