he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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