who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
