im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize