my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
