dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
