I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
