I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
