Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
