There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
