Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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