Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
