its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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