Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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