one might say we're banned from that church
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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