I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
