I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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