Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
