OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
