wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
