I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
