I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I intend to get homeless drunk
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
