i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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