You made me cry and you don't even care
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
