It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm too high and old for this...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
