They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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