Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
