What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
