Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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