grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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