What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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