too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
