it wasn't lemon gatorade
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize