it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
