..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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